The use of force(6)

The use of force

孩子的嘴已经流血了。

The child’s mouth was already bleeding.

她的舌头破了，还在歇斯底里地大叫着。

Her tongue was cut and she was screaming in wild hysterical shrieks.

也许我应该停下来，过一个多小时再回来无疑这样会好一些。

Perhaps I should have desisted and come back in an hour or more. No doubt it would have been better.

但我已经看到至少两个孩子因为这种情况而被疏忽了，躺在床上死去，我感到我必须现在进行诊断，否则就再没有机会了。

But I have seen at least two children lying dead in bed of neglect in such cases, and feeling that I must get a diagnosis now or never I went at it again.

然而最糟糕的是，我也失去了理智，我本可以在盛怒之下将女孩的嘴扒开来享受其中的快乐，向她发起进攻真是一件乐事，我的脸也因此而发热。

But the worst of it was that I too had got beyond reason. I could have torn the child apart in my own fury and enjoyed it. It was a pleasure to attack her, my face was burning with it.

在这种时候，谁都会叮咛自己，无论这个可恶的小鬼做出任何愚蠢的举动，也要违背她的意愿来保护她。

The damned little brat must be protected against her own idiocy, one says to one’s self at such times.

这样做也是为了保护其他孩子，同时这也是一种社会需要，事实也确是如此。

Others must be protected against her. It is a social necessity. And all these things are true.

然而由于释放体内能量的欲望而产生的一种盲目的无法控制的狂怒和一种成年人的羞耻感，使我一直坚持到最后。

But a blind fury, a feeling of adult shame, bred of a longing for muscular release are the operatives. One goes on to the end.

在最后失去理性的―战斗‖中，我控制了女孩的脖子和下巴，我强行将沉重的银勺从她的牙后